Wednesday, October 31, 2012

A Traveler's Guide To BizarroWorld Part III

  Places To Avoid

    There are some places on the planet you should be mindful to avoid. These areas are considered hostile to just about everyone including BizarroWorlders themselves. The only problem is the BizarroWorlders seem to think if they keep apologizing that these areas will suddenly like them again. One such area is the Middle Eastern section of the planet. Avoid this at all costs. Just fly over it on your way to the Far Eastern side of the planet. Even that area is tricky at times. Do not consider sailing anywhere near the area either unless a hostage scenario is in your itinerary. The waters are filled with pirates. There is a military presense there but they are under strict UN orders to do nothing about the problem (except the Russians, they don't give a shit in any way). See the website: and awe for a great clip of Russians blowing the crap out of a pirate boat..It is awesome!
    Avoid the African Continent, especially if you have children. They could be kidnapped and turned into guerilla militia and turned against you with an AK47. Many of the incurable diseases in BizarroWorld come from there. The intelligent ones who reside there are coming to the Western part of the planet to escape that living hell. The rest are too poor or indoctrinated in a Junta of some sort.
    There are still some amazing animals that manage to avoid poaching but that is soon to fade away since no one there cares about the future of their own environment. Many Western BizarroWorlders pore money to various "no profits" to help the people and the animals of this section but it is a lost cause. The money is squandered, stolen and what gets through is barely enough to fuel a truck. Do not get taken in by any of these causes while there.
    The Polar regions are rumored to be melting but as of this publishing the author has found no credible evidence to support such a notion. It is as frikken, freezing cold as all get out!
    Avoid various regions of the southern Western Hemisphere. Some nut named Chaves owns one area and his people are totally indocrinated Socialists. Do not go there. Another area is controlled by revolutionaries financed by cocaine. It is called Columbia. You will become a hostage . There is one area that holds a semblance of  Democracy called Brazil. but they are busy burning down the Rainforest and polluting the main river there with run off from gold mining. They and the Chinese currently drill out all our oil along the east coast. America is not allowed to. That place will be a waste land in a hundred years anyways.. The central Western Hemisphere (Mexico) is overun with drug gangs who ship human cargo across the American border as cheap labor. The present day government in America is headed up by a quasi-prophet named The OObi. He and his minions are perfectly happy with this scenario and will do little to protect you if you dare to wander this region. The inhabitants of this region are regularly killed, raped, robbed and terrorized with only themselves to blame (according to government documents and testimonies). Residents who stand up and defend their property are considered racist, right wing, gun toting nutcases.
    There is a strange place known as The Korean Peninsula. This is a place where polar opposites exist. In the southern part there is commerce, trade, hot chicks and cheap TV's. The northern part is barren, dark at night (no electricity) and the people are starving to death. The only commercial enterprise there seems to be nuclear weapons and other military equipment. Do not go there, you will be arrested and sent to a concentration camp along with 90% of the rest of that regions inhabitants. Everyone there bows to a Messiah (of sorts) known as "The Great Leader".

Places To Visit

    The northern Western Hemisphere (for the most part) is quite nice. The European enclave titled The Euro-Zone is quite nice. Be cautious here though, there are some financial problems going on there and riots can spark at a moments notice. Bring  a gas mask, tear gas is often used to diperse crowds and if you are caught up in this you can be affected by the gas. Again, just as was stated before, stay 100-200 feet away from these events and observe them from afar. Things tend to get destroyed including the demonstrators themselves. Be careful when taking photographs of these events, the law enforcement may think you are journalists and will club you like a Canadien baby seal in springtime.

    NOTE: Speaking of getting clubbed; be very wary of law enforcement on BizarroWorld. They tend to use their batons with impunity wherever they gather. Reports have surfaced that a married couple was clubbed in Washington on their honeymoon because they danced at the Jefferson Memorial. A separate report surfaced that a homeless man was clubbed at a homeless shelter (imagine that). In most mass gatherings you can be sure the riot police will show up to start the clubbing. Again, stay far away from these events and view them from afar.

    An awe inspiring place to visit is Alaska. A wonderful woman lives there who tried to wake America up when she ran as a VP candidate. The BizarroWorlders crucified her for being an American, for being a Republican and for being a woman. This is a great example of the mindset of BizarroWorlders. For decades the female species of this planet complained about being discriminated against. Decades later they crucify any woman who shows any sense of independence, purpose and self determination. Especially if it is counter to a dictated party line.
    The woman's name is Sarah, if you manage to get to this beautiful land, pay her a visit.
    Visit the Gulf Coast area, great fish and great music. A catagory 5 hurricane hit this area followed by a huge oil spill years later. Some how the people there have just kept going. This is probably one of the small examples of perseverance that still exists in BizarroWorld. The Admins in charge of this area blame some past President for all the troubles there. It makes no difference that disasters like this have happened before, it was still the fault of the past President. Hey, it's BizarroWorld!
    Visit the Northeast in the autumn, great colors, Visit the Eastern shore during the college "spring-break". Lots of drunk chicks shedding their tops. Visit the Ohio Valley where most of the corn comes from. Kids still can be seen learning a work ethic as they tend to farm chores, go to school, work a part time job and then..Go back to the farm for more chores and more homework. Currently the BizarroWorlders are working to to end this time honored tradition. It violates Child Labor laws, Social Workers are everywhere in this region, be wary and hide your kids.

    As of this publication, the events on BizarroWorld change daily. There may be more places to avoid and/or visit. It all depends on what happens next. Trust me, it is that fluid. The BizarroWorlders are constantly changing the names, places, descriptions to fit whatever new definition they make up at any point in time....Yeah, it is that messed up. So stay posted for the next installment of "The Traveller's Guide to BizarroWorld"...

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