Friday, October 12, 2012

A Traveler's Guide To BizarroWorld Part II

What Is BizarroWorld?

    BizarroWorld is a parallel universe. It is as simple as that. A parallel universe is a universe where all that is and was as truth here doesn't exist there. For instance, in a parallel universe Hitler and the Japanese win WWII, McArthy was right, Kennedy was never assasinated and Tom Cruise and Oprah Winfrey are NOT extraterrestrials.
    You get it? This is BizarroWorld in a nutshell.
    Having any political convictions based on facts and historical context carry no weight on this planet. It is all about how you "feel" concerning an issue. This concept can swing wildly into the unknown and the traveler must be aware of this at all times. Those "feelings" are rooted in a mindset known on this planet as "Political Correctness". It dominates the culture. The overwhelming majority of inhabitants of BizarroWorld are known as Liberals and this mentality pervades all facets of their society. In point of fact, the Liberals have collectively declared their planet a Democracy. This works well for them considering that Liberals  are the largest political ethnicity there. They essentially, rule everything.
    In the normal space/time continuem, Liberalism is considered a mental disorder by people who excersise common sense. In BizarroWorld it is the law of the land. I am hesitant to apply any sort of medical diagnosis on this idea because I have no medical evidence to back up such a claim. However, in the author's opinion, Liberalism is a form of mental pathology.
    That's my story and I'm sticking to it....Oh, and never repeat that once your ship arrives.

How Did BizarroWorld Evolve?

    That is a good question Virginia, let me try to explain it this way.
    There is a debate going on between scientists and theologians about the existence of God. Scientist argue that their discoveries disclaim such a notion, while the theologians argue that scientists just come up with more questions once they discover something new, thus claiming the mystery of God. A second school of thought exists between more rational minded scientists and theologians that the mear fact that 95% of all people on Earth believe in a Creator and the fact that billions of other worlds possibly exist (with their idea of a Creator), that sentient life has "willed" God and Heaven into existence. Basically, with trillions and trillions of minds steeped in the idea of a diety, that diety has somehow metaphysically become real.
    Sounds sketchy, I know. Until you arrive on BizarroWorld.
    You see, BizarroWorld exists due to that same idea. The Liberals "willed" themselves into believing their own hogwash for so long and have indocrinated so many others for so long that the planet has metaphysically formed out of (literally) nothing. Gene Roddenberry couldn't have thought this up!

  It is here I must emphasize that you are entering a totally alien world. It may look, smell and sound like Earth but it is not. Be vigilant, always, ever vigilant.

Negotiating The Locals

    This can vary from region to region. We will cover areas to avoid in the next segment but, for now, lets concentrate on when you arrive and how to negotiate the local area upon landing.
    The central area formally known as The United States is still relatively sane, mostly farms, wilderness, very old communities. The rest of the place is a disaster, especially the sea coast areas. These regions are solid Lib controlled. Poverty and unemployment are rampant in these regions. Be sure to keep all valuables  at home in the real world. Carry your cash and credit cards inside of your body (ladies, time to take one for the team).
    Most locals can be bribed with large sums of cash. The local municipal drones will accept any type of bribe. You will see this in action if you witness a demonstration put on by one of the Union groups. People will be bribed and bussed in for these evnets. For your own safety stay at least 100-200 feet from these events. These groups tend to destroy everything around them including each other. Vast areas where past events have taken place are heavily damaged.
    Credit is very important. If you have a low score, do not go to BizarroWorld. You could be dying of thirst in the desert but if a local banker sees your FICO is low, he will let you die rather than take a drink. Credit does not work amongst the poor, they work in cash only. Be wary though, theft is rampant in the poor areas although most of it takes place on a governmental level.
    The worst thing you will encounter are "fees". There are fees for everything. There are fees for the fees and taxes to be paid on top of those fees. You cannot spit without a permit, cops are everwhere and they enforce the rules. Neighbors tell on neighbors and everyone is in everyone else's business. Again, large sums of cash will cure most of these meddlesome inconveniences. Besides, all the cash is fake in BizarroWorld. The government prints it out of thin air so spend all you want. All products in BizarroWorld come from China because American businesses hurt the environment and trample on the little people so they are strictly outlawed.

    So, be safe once you arrive and I will see you in the next segment where we explore the planetary regions that should be avoided.

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